do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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