Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
