hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Im part way to drunk.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
