What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
ttyl tear gas
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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