woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
