oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
