Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
