Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
