I just threw up on my dentist
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
