When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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