Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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