Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
