The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
