The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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