apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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