you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
