Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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