apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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