I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
