She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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