we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
