And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
