He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
