Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
