The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
