i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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