Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
