Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
