She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
