i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
