if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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