All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
