I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
