the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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