I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The best revenge is premature balding
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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