I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
