i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
