a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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