I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
