My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
