I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
