i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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