More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
