Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
