the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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