hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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