i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
