Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize