Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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