Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
