his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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