I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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