I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
