i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
