great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
