im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
