Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
