I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
