Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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