Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
