his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
