i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
