So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
