I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
