Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
