I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
