remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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