I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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