Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
