Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
