she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize