textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
FUCK WHALES
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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