It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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