youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
is this the sara with the beer cane?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
