Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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