I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
