the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
