If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
