end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is wine microwaveable?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize