I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
