I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize