I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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