I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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