I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
