we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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