whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
