If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
